I stumbled across the following wisdom from elsewhere on the net and am posting it here as it is certainly relevant to Adventist men.
What makes a “real man”?
We read alot of articles describing how society no longer produces “real men” or how there are no longer any “real men” around. Not surprisingly these articles are often written with some ulterior motive in mind, often they try to shame or manipulate men into performing tasks that most would not be willing to do if given real choice. So I thought about some common standards that “real men” are measured by and pretty much hope to highlight how BS this all is.
1. Is it the amount of women he has sex with or his sexual performance?
Perhaps most often sprouted by college frat boys and PUA, this is where a man’s manhood is measured by the number of sexual encounters. So by this definition Hugh Hefner is a “real man” whose only real contribution to humanity is creating porno magazine, while Issac Newton who literally paved the way for modern physics and all the technological advances that benefit us today is not a “real man”.
Yet gay men are still regarded as “men” despite never having sex with women, married men are still regarded as “men” despite probably never having sex in years.
Penis size can also be added into this category as something used to shame men into submission – how big is your penis? well it’s all relative to how satisfied your woman is, if she is happily leeching your material wealth = huge, if you dump her or lose your job = small.
This frat boy mentality of male sexuality is something that allows women to manipulate and eventually control men, because with holding sex is one of the easiest ways to get what she wants. To prevent a man from using any other alternative such masturbating, using a sex toy, cheat or goto a prostitute; society and women will dub all the previous actions as something “real men” don’t do and shame them for doing so.
2. Is it his virtues and values?
Often people think a real man is virtuous one who has high levels of honor, loyalty and chivalry. The problem with measuring and defining manhood by virtues is that these are the first thing society/women will use to manipulate men for their own gain. Despite what movies and games will tell you, do you honestly think that German and Japanese soldiers in WW2 were genuinely evil? or were these honorable and loyal young men whose love of country, family and longing for social acceptance were manipulated into giving their lives for a stupid cause and performing horrible acts? these men were human beings, they had feelings,and yes believe it or not, a sense of morality. It wasn’t that these men were evil, it was the society that manipulated them to fight, it was the people who shamed them into going to war by saying “if you don’t fight you’re not a real man” or “you will dishonor yourself and your family!”
Lets go back in time to Sparta – how would they define a real man? A real man to a spartan would be a soldier that died in battle. That’s right you had to be dead! because living people aren’t real men, it didn’t matter what your other achievements were.
Let’s examine chivalry as another example, in days gone by Chivalry was a warrior code only meant for the warrior elite – i.e. knights and nobles, your average peasant was not expected to adhere to such a strict code. However how many articles do you read saying “chivalry is dead” or “men today have no honor”, chivalry is NOT dead it is alive and well in the military (where it belongs), today’s average man is the modern equivalent of a simple peasant, he just wants to goto work and make a living, also remember that chivalry had more to do with loyalty to church and king than generosity to women, yet we don’t see articles saying “chivalry is dead – why aren’t more men going to church?” or “chivalry is dead – why aren’t men bowing to the current monarchy!?”. It is all about taking WHATEVER virtue or belief a man has and manipulating it and changing it’s context to make him perform a task for someone else.
Today’s honorable man will find his honor being used as a mental chain around his neck, preventing him from ever enjoying freedom or living his life. As soon as he is married every virtue and sense of honor he has will be used as justification for his continued abuse at the hands of his wife, if a man’s wife is with holding sex because he did not meet her illogical demands, his own sense of honor and loyalty is what’s stopping him from getting the affection and sexual gratification elsewhere.
3. Is it his willingness to sacrifice
Often when an article asking “where are all the real men?” what they are really asking for is “where are all the men who would happily sacrifice their savings, dreams, ambitions and happiness for a woman?” the articles should really be asking “what can today’s modern woman/marriage offer a man?” answer: nothing he can’t get elsewhere with alot less hassle or a better price
Any man who marries and sacrifices himself for a woman who is either drowning in debt, has multiple kids from one-night stands or any negative traits most modern women have, is praised for being a “real man”. Society wants responsible and caring men to sacrifice themselves and work hard so that irresponsible women can continue being irresponsible, corporations get more money from “retail therapy”, governments save money by not having to give those girls welfare and other irresponsible men/bad boys can continue banging her without any repercussion, everyone wins – except the “real man”.
Let me tell you something, there are millions of “good causes” you can sacrifice your life for and society will praise you for it, but you only get 1 – I repeat – ONE, life. That’s it. No second chances. Yet no one really tells men to go out and enjoy that one life they are given.
Do you think the men who die from overwork in Japan (Karoshi) wanted and dreamed of such a fate? or were they pushed to that point by a greedy wife and corporation
4. Is it his achievements in life?
This also include “financial” achievements, we all hear about how “real men” can provide for their family, it doesn’t matter if it’s his wife’s fault for spending thousands on clothes or jewelry, if he can’t afford to pay for all the useless s*** his wife desires, he’s not a real man.
Yet striving for achievements and accomplishments and material gains just for the praise of society and validation of manhood is a useless and futile endeavor because you will find no matter how hard you try it will NEVER be enough, not to mention it is highly illogical e.g. are we saying a female Olympic gold medalist is more of a man than say an average working male plumber because she achieved something more prestigious? Of course not yet women and society constantly push men further
This is another factor that causes men to take up courses or jobs they hate, it doesn’t matter how much they love another subject, unless it brings money or prestige, whatever he is doing is not considered manly or the work of “real men”.
“Get a better job!” she screams because you can’t afford to buy her another useless trinket or clothing, because, to her, the only thing better than a slave – is a hard working slave
So what is a real man?
In a biological sense a real man is a human being with male sex organs – that’s it!. Everything else is socially/culturally constructed and changing, what is considered “masculine” and “manly” for one generation can easily become feminine in another, yet we are a slave to all these traits that society and women demand we have.
No matter how illogical or unachievable, men are given multiple tasks and traits they must perform or uphold in order to validate their manhood in society.
Who you are as a man, as a person is something you decide and define, don’t let others manipulate and control you because the first few steps in creating a slave is binding him and breaking his spirit. Make sure no one ever does that to you because society and women are VERY good at binding men and breaking their spirits