We no longer live in a Patriarchal society. We live in a society with his-fault divorce and lots of misandric laws. You can do your best to vet the woman beforehand, but if you marry and have children, you are taking a risk. Ultimately, she has a lot of power that she was never meant to have, power which allows her natural hypergamous instincts to run wild unless she purposes in her heart to control it. I think it is critical that any woman a man considers marrying can herself define hypergamy and will admit to having hypergamous drives. If she won’t admit it’s there, she can’t control it, but she must control it because we no longer have a social hierachy to control it for her.
Roosh is a PUA who is responding to the allegations by some that men like him are spoiling things for everyone else. He is not an Adventist or even a Christian for that matter but what he says here is relevant to Adventist young men given that the church girls are generally looking for action.
There is an argument floating around that goes like this: I’m just as bad as feminists in destroying Western civilization because I advise men to pursue easy sex instead of seeking marriage. How can I reconcile the fact that I advocate for “traditional sex roles” when my tactics can be used for pumping and dumping women all over the world? The answer is that I, along with all other men, are not given a choice in the matter.
Imagine fifty years ago that only boxing existed as a form of street combat. The rules of boxing include using only your fists, not hitting below the belt, and not wrestling. All street fights were done by men who followed these rules. Then suddenly a group of men broke the rules and started implementing wrestling moves on the street. The boxers were dismayed by this change but still wanted to fight by the book, with honor. However, they expectantly started to lose more fights. Then even more fighters learned not only wrestling, but martial arts and Brazilian jujitsu. Now the boxers were getting beat most of the time because they had less ways to attack than their opponent. If they were forced to the ground, they were essentially defenseless.
Men are boxers. We came into the arena with our beta provider method of combat, but decades of societal change has made that useless on desirable women, especially when you consider that young women in America now earn much more than men in major cities. That left us with three choices:
1. Stop fighting. Many men have chosen this either voluntarily through MGTOW and soliciting prostitution or involuntarily through celibacy. They have failed to adapt counterattacks to new ways of fighting.
2. Learn new fighting styles. Men have learned game and sought to understand the true nature of women in order to bed them. They have decided to solve the problem through analysis and effort.
3. Leave to a place where boxing is still the main fighting style. Men have expatriated to societies where traditional sex roles are more or less intact and their boxing ability still leads to victory more often than not.
For men stuck in America, even if they want to settle down in a traditional manner, they will find it nearly impossible to find a young, fertile beauty in her prime who wants to do the same. He may get lucky if he’s religious and meets a girl through church, but this scenario doesn’t happen in Americas coastal cities where women want to have fun with cock riding until their 30′s. He can learn game and successfully use it to get a wife, but even if he “wins” the match and walks down the wedding aisle, the awfully corrupt boxing judges (i.e., the government and culture) will always call the bout in the woman’s favor by encouraging her to use the punitive divorce system in the case she’s not 100% happy at all times. You only live once, they’ll tell her, so wreck your family.
A popular manosphere saying is that women are gatekeepers to sex and men are gatekeepers to commitment. I wish this was an absolute truth, but it’s not. As a collective, women are often gatekeepers to both sex and commitment. Most men reading right now can surely attest to their failed attempts to secure commitment from women they slept with, and if you poll the entire population of men, you may find that they are the initiators of monogamous relationships more often than women. It only makes sense for this to be true: it is way more damaging for a man to have his woman sleep with another man and get cuckolded than the other way around. The 0.5% of the population who are skilled players and have more say with commitment don’t put a dent into this common reality. As a sex, men have very little say in determining the relationship dynamic.
The only reason we learned game is because women signaled to us that they just want casual sex. We’re extracting easy sex from women who want easy sex. Rest assured you’re not one-night standing girls who want a baby in the next year. No girl is crying because you didn’t call back after a drunken romp in the hopes you would be her husband. These easy girls prefer the one-night stand and they prefer to be your fuck buddy. Don’t kid yourself into thinking your game or fast sex desire is creating your success—women have placed their preferred options on the table and men are simply reacting in a way that gets them a piece of the pie before it’s all gone.
Women initiate while men react, so to say that my advice is hurting the culture is actually backwards. My advice is a scavenger response to get something out of the sexual rations that women are putting out.
“But Roosh, you go to countries like Poland and don’t marry the girls you have sex with. You’re pumping and dumping them, too! You’re ruining the world!”
Foreign women share many features with their American counterparts. Women who I have sex with in Eastern Europe use me for shallow sex possibly more than I use them. In other words, I have failed to get into relationships with girls I wanted because they preferred something less meaningful. I’m talking about Poland, Croatia, and Lithuania, not Washington DC. I’ve described the phenomenon of Westernization in the past, and while girls in Eastern Europe are more likely to seek marriage before they hit 30, you’ll be surprised how many simply want some fun in the sack until they establish their career or get bored of partying. Compared to American women, they’re just less overtly slutty about it, they start looking for husbands while still in their physical prime, and they maintain their feminine charm. For truly traditional women, it seems that only Muslim countries are left.
I almost wish I was rationalizing my behavior by explaining that Eastern European women like casual sex too. The last two beautiful girls I dated in Poland, who I met during the day outside of clubs, simply wanted to use me as a fuckbuddy to be scheduled in between their work and school obligations. Both were looking forward to upcoming travel and study abroad plans. They did not want a serious relationship with me, even though they enjoyed the sexual part of it.
It would be a nice fantasy for us men to believe that we have a say in relationships and sex. It’d be nice to think that our “alpha” behavior and our game determines how a relationship can proceed, but often it doesn’t. We’re just giving the girl what she has already decided on. Do you really think you’re selling televisions to customers who came into the store with the intent to buy bicycles? The girl who falls in love with us wanted to fall in love with us, the girl who had fun with us wanted to just have fun with us, and so on. And even when a girl wants a bicycle, she still wants a certain kind of bicycle. This is why game is a numbers game, because girls are incredibly picky even when they are sexually available. The horniest girl in the club who decided on having sex will still have her pick of the litter and opt to get the best that she can.
As the dispensable sex, men will always respond to what women want, and if my extensive experiences with fornication are any indication, modern women want independence and careers over serious relationships with men. Believing that men like myself can cause a degradation of traditional roles is just giving us too much credit.
Google Glasses ….. Wheelchair for the brain.
I’ve often thought that if I had my time over again I would start out by getting a trade then taking up some profession that might interest me. In my life to date I’ve seen a few men lose their profession who were able to fall back to a trade that they had picked up on prior to.
Anyhow here is an article by someone who has been there and observed the difference between tradies and professionals.
Ignore The Unwarranted Hate Of Trade Jobs
During the last few months of my junior year at high school we were all sent down to the guidance counsellor’s office to talk about our future, because sixteen and seventeen year old’s are noted and renowned for the wise plans they make for the rest of their lives. They were asking a group of people who unironically thought wrist cuffs and Blue October were the height of cool what they’d like to do for a living. I’m sure a lot of rock solid planning went on in the guidance counsellor’s office.
Mostly I think this was a system to vet kids – to find out which ones were college bound and therefore worth focusing on, and which future assembly line workers the teachers could safely ignore. My grades were good so I had a plethora of options (McUniversities) available to me. The counsellor repeated to the point of inanity that if I only worked harder, only took some extra courses, I could up my grades and make it into the *gasp* top tier schools! Of course top tier essentially means most expensive so instead I spent that summer finding out which school was highest ranked in which also happened to be the cheapest. I thought I was being smart by getting the most bang for my buck. Like many men of my generation I was an idiot and didn’t fully comprehend the sheer waste that is modern university; though to be all Millenial and put the blame on someone else, nobody really told me the truth about them.
Literally the only real reason left for men to go to university
A guy who still is a good friend of mine, whom I’m giving the pseudonym Andy, got a different reception in the counsellor’s office. Andy was a farm kid whose mom had split when he was six. He was abrasive, not academically intelligent but smart in every other respect. Andy was not a stunningly handsome dude, so he did not have a single girlfriend in his three years of high school even though there was enough trash in mini-skirts to be picked up. In short, Andy was a high school loser. His grades sucked and he knew he wasn’t college bound. He did however, have an actual plan unlike most of our class, many of whom at this very moment are turning into real world losers (see: me). He asked the counsellor about trades. The counsellor, who had spent nearly a half hour with me trying to convince me to bust my ass to get into McGill, opened a drawer in her desk and shoved a few pamphlets into Andy’s hands before showing him the door.
Thankfully Andy was liked by Mr. C, arguably the best teacher in our school. Mr. C asked us all in class what our plans were, showing polite interest in us university kids and real interest in the kids who said military or RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police). Andy said he wanted to work a trade but the counsellor didn’t help him out. Mr. C asked if Andy wanted to meet a guy who ran his own plumbing company. Andy said yes and spent that summer working for the plumbing company. His grade 12 year he continued to work Saturdays on the boss’s skeleton crew and even days when school was off. While most of us high school ‘winners’ were barely making 400 CAD a month working cashier or fast food jobs in anticipation of the tens of thousands of dollars of debt we’d all soon be taking on (spending most of our earnings on stupid crap), Andy saved nearly six grand.
“I like can’t wait to get my degree or whatever so I’ll totally never have to waitress again”
By the time the September after high school graduation rolled around Andy could have paid a huge chunk of his student debt before he took one step through the front doors of the university. Instead he went full time to the plumbing company, which sent him away to trade school (no charge) and today he makes nearly 30 bucks an hour. He is only 22. My mom, a nurse who went to university and has worked in her field since she was 21, barely makes 40. My dad, a small business owner, is subject to the whims of the economy. Andy suffers no such worry because, no matter how terrible times get, someone always needs their toilet fixed.
While most of my class are going to be struggling with their student debt until they’re thoroughly middle aged (and probably longer), Andy need only save up six months salary to attend most schools debt free. And being a single guy with no baby mommas to leech off him or crippling vices like drinking, drugs or gambling, all Andy’s earnings are 100% pure gravy. He bought a small house which is nearly paid off, and his grandma died last year and left him her house (probably from guilt over her daughter abandoning him, or so the ‘stupid’ Andy confided to me) so now that small house is being rented out for additional income.
22 years old. Making roughly 55,000 a year, with guaranteed raises as he goes to school and gains more qualifications and certificates – which the company also pays for. Owns two houses, getting nearly 1200 in rent from one of them a month. That’s Andy the loser.
Trades. If you’re going to work, trades. Trades trades trades. You want to get a university degree? Fine – just get a trade first.
I did it the opposite way, wasted my time in university like a lot of young men today are doing and will do in the future. Now, education in and of itself is not a bad thing and the ideal society would try to educate its population to the highest level possible. But we don’t live in ideal societies. University is far too expensive to pursue just to round out your life experience. You are not guaranteed a job with any degree. And even if its costs were reasonable the universities of today are almost anti-education. Indoctrination toward politically correct liberal ideals in non-STEM courses is rife. Courses are pathetically simple and hardly challenging to the intellect. It’s quite easy to not go to a single class and still graduate with high grades; I’d know. So much for ‘education’.
The only real redeeming factor of university is the bevy of sex one could have with girls freshly emancipated from the tyranny of mommy and daddy. In fact, the sheer buffet of classless, easy women eager to prove their independence by letting you use them for sex is the pretty much the only reason any man should be attending universities nowadays – unless you’re going to a top tier school to make contacts. Yet as the west becomes poorer and poorer and the boomer wealth fades even sex with Freshwomen, that sole redeeming factor, will dry up as mommies and daddies can’t afford to send their princesses en masse to slutty boot camp.
Pictured: Your daughter’s education
The stigma against trades in the popular conscience is bizarre and unwarranted. Plumbers and carpenters are portrayed as losers; fat, balding weirdo’s who don’t know how to pull up their pants and are probably drunk on the job – though to be fair, there are a lot of blue collar workers who work while messed up on something (though it’s not like that isn’t the case in every single job). Maybe that cliché was bang on once upon a time but nowadays you can find all sorts of smart, classy sumbitches working in trades, from university grads to body builders. Men go where the money is, and increasingly a lot of the money is in trades.
Of course, there are a few real concerns that you need to ponder about trades should you choose to enter them:
It Is Not Glamorous
This I think is where most of the social stigma comes from. We in the west live still live in a society which values above all else status from both money AND what you do for work. For all the money that Andy earns, his job is literally shitty. He deals with other people’s excrement for a living. Plus all those other fun things people flush down the toilet – condoms, tampons, chicken bones etc. You may not want to become a plumber if you have any sort of faith in humanity. What you find in a septic tank will forever destroy all notions of human nobility in your mind. Tradesmen do not get the glitz of a musician or artist, even though less then 5% of those two groups are capable of even feeding themselves for a living while nearly every working tradesmen can put supper on the table for a big family without worry. You’re not going to be waltzing around the club impressing chicks by dropping the fact that you work in HVAC for a living. Of course, if you’re actually telling chicks you are trying to ONS what you do for work you’re kind of doing it wrong in the first place.
You probably shouldn’t peacock your profession in the club either
On the plus side, the main core of people who actually care about how glamorous someone’s job is tend to be female and usually reside within the 12-21 year old range. Their opinions don’t matter since they’re losers once their sex appeal wears off (which is unnaturally fast for today’s gals) and for the most part they usually change their snooty attitude pretty quick once they get out into the real world. You can physically see jealous lust in the eyes of chicks who wouldn’t give Andy the time of day back in high school when they learn that he owns two houses, pool and hot tub included on his main pad, and pulls down more money in one year then they will earn in three – and that’s if they manage to keep their job. In Andy’s town there’s not a lot of glamorous men with glamorous jobs which can pay the bills, and he’s been getting a lot of overtures from younger girls who couldn’t afford to go to university and are stuck being secretaries and waitresses. Poverty truly is the great equalizer.
It’s Dirty And Dangerous Work
I’m working on getting my electricians certification’s. I could earn more as a plumber but I didn’t want to spend most of my day working in filth. Turns out you pretty much do no matter what you do your trade in. I’ve had to wriggle into crawlspaces with two feet of height, full of rats and mould and all other sorts of rot just to splice a wire together. A guy I worked with straight up got attacked by a feral cat when he poked his head into an attic. Even the most well kept of lived in buildings accumulate certain amounts of filth in their nooks and crannies, and guess where the majority of tradesmen spend their time working?
Note how I said the most well kept; working in trades, you quickly begin to think that either most people are slobs, or that you only work in the houses and buildings of slobs. Recently we went to work on houses on an Indian Reservation. The power had shorted out in one. We went down to the basement to see what was wrong and the smell practically knocked us out. It turned out that their toilet had stopped working a few months before hand, so they had the genius idea of tearing it out so they could poop directly down the pipes Muslim style. The accumulated excrement had shorted out the wiring.
Just once I’d like to go work in a nice basement like this
There’s no real plus side to this part of trades. There’s always a chance that working as a roofer parts of it are rotted and you could fall through. There’s always the chance that, even if you’re doing a relatively clean job like working on a construction site, a cinder block could tip and tumble onto you, or some idiot could accidentally flip on the breaker while you’re wiring, or a million other things. Trades are not comfy – there’s a reason you’re making killer dough working them.
It’s A Manly Profession
And by manly, I mean people are pissed off and yelling most of the day. A slight exaggeration, sure, but you have to develop some thick skin pretty quick working in trades. There’s no shortage of things that you can do wrong and no shortage of people who will immediately point out what an idiot you are for doing it wrong. Especially as a young guy, the maxim that shit flows down hill is in full effect. Much like in the trenches, any and everything is said without consideration on the job site. If you can’t handle ribbing about your sexuality, your race, your religion or simply cannot listen to comprehensive, personal knowledge of your mother’s genitals from numerous men – including your boss, if you screw up big enough – then working in a trades environment will be torturous for you.
On the plus side, most men are good about leaving their problems at the job site. You aren’t going to have a lot of sissy boys or idiots working intimately with you. Every site and company tends to have a certain number of goats (hopefully not you) but these idiots are usually shuffled off to the side doing dummy work where they can’t do too much harm to your real work efforts. And if they’re exceptionally bad they’re usually hounded off the crew pretty quick. Shoddy work hurts the reputation of the crew, which hurts everyone working for it – bad rep means no contracts means no pay. There are anti-discrimination, please-hold-my-hand-government type laws someone could attempt to hide behind (at least here in Canada) but anyone who tried that would soon find themselves completely ostracised in the company or on the site; only the most masochistic person would endure the bile of dozens of men who think that this person is trying to ruin their meal ticket.
It’s Long And Hard Work
Tradesmen don’t spend 8 hours a day in a comfy climate controlled office, sitting down at their desk slowly typing out an e-mail while keeping Return Of Kings tabbed until their boss walks away. You’re out in the elements come rain, snow or shine. Depending on where you live and what trade you work you could be spending several hours a day just driving to and from the job site. Unlike those lazy road crews which chop up half of the country’s main highways and then go on a three month smoke break, if a necessary task isn’t completed when the bell rings you can’t always just shut down and go home; 12-14 hours days are not uncommon. You’re moving, stretching, bending all the time, climbing and balancing and hanging off things to do your work. Even if you’re in reasonable shape it can be exhausting. Again, there’s a reason why you’re being paid so well. You earn your pay cheque.
Obligatory sexy picture dealing with the article’s theme
Trades can be difficult work at times but they’re hardly the loser occupations as portrayed in the media. Quite the opposite; I know more losers with an undergraduate or Masters degree then ones with certificates in things like welding or water treatment. And a trade is nearly guaranteed to give one a stable job for life, something which has been taken for granted by many people for a long time and which is steadily becoming rarer.
Unlike the overly glorified, assembly line like work done in offices you cannot just fire competent trades people and replace them with low tier, unskilled immigrants. It’s one thing to lay off people who push buttons and move paper so you can replace them with someone who does the job 40% less effectively for 40% of the pay; if the toilets aren’t flushing properly and the heat only comes on half blast, that affects the boss. If a newly constructed building is falling apart only five years after it’s constructed, that affects the boss’s safety – not to mention his pocket book. And when it comes to the bosses comfort, money and safety, no expense shall be spared. You should be the one receiving that expense.
We’re quickly nearing a point where the majority of work can (and probably will) be done by computers and automated processes. To eliminate humans in trades would require a revolution in robotics technology that is likely still centuries away. At least for the 21st century the world still needs competent plumbers, carpenters, welders, and the other occupations that build and keep society running. Ignore the stigmas. Get in one, learn it and work hard. You’ll be set for life.
This article was written in another blog around eight years ago and is aimed at the Christian church at large. I want you, Adventist young men, to read this article and ask yourselves as to whether it is relevant to the situation you are facing in your local church today.
Have you ever heard of Carolyn McCulley? Carolyn is an Evangelical commentator who recently wrote a book entitled Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? She also attends the same church where the reputable Evangelical author Joshua Harris preaches. At Carolyn’s website there is a quote from another woman writer, Elisabeth Elliot, that is noteworthy:
“Everywhere my husband and I go we meet lovely Christian women, beautifully dressed, deeply spiritual, thoroughly feminine–and single. They long for marriage and children. But what is it with the men? Are they blind to feminine pulchritude, deaf to God’s call, numb to natural desire? . . . Where are the holy men of God willing to shoulder the full responsibility of manhood, to take the risks and make the sacrifices of courting and winning a wife, marrying her and fathering children in obedience to the command to be fruitful? While the Church has been blessed by men willing to remain single for the sake of the Kingdom (and I do not regard lightly such men who are seriously called), isn’t it obvious that God calls most men to marriage? By not marrying, those whom He calls are disobeying Him, and thus are denying the women He meant for them to marry the privileges of being wife and mother.”
Well, this is a serious charge for someone to be making against religious men. It’s not the first time the charge has been made and it will probably not be the last. Because of its serious nature (accusing men of being disobedient to God), it merits an answer. Here’s the short answer: You are way off base, Mrs. Elliot (as is Ms. McCulley and many others). Why do you and so many other religious pundits wonder aloud about the spirituality of single Christian men? I expect anti-male sexism from feminists, but that it also comes from many so-called “Bible-Believing” religious leaders is mind-blowing. It’s utterly scandalous and a reproach to the name of Jesus. Let’s get a few things straight about the Anti-Bachelor Marriage Craze currently infecting some pundits, shall we?
It’s Not in the Bible
First of all, and most importantly, the idea that God mandates most people to marry (pronuptialism) is a blatantly unscriptural idea. I have already dealt with the exegetical weaknesses behind this doctrine (see the essays “Does God Expect Most Men to Get Married?” and “How the Marriage Movement Misuses 1 Corinthians, Chapter Seven“). Ladies and gentlemen, you can drop James Dobson, Joshua Harris, Albert Mohler, Debbie Maken, every single one of your favorite Evangelical authors, and even John Calvin himself on one end of the scales and the Bible on the other. The Bible wins hands down, every single time. I don’t care how popular someone is. If their exegesis is off, then they aren’t speaking as the oracles of God (1 Peter 4:11).
It’s Not a Harmless Doctrine
Secondly, I do not believe the doctrine of pronuptialism is a harmless doctrine. I think it has the potential for making a shipwreck of people’s faith. For one thing, imagine a young soul being told he has no control over his sexual desires and therefore he has to marry (a notion based on a popular misreading of 1 Corinthians 7:2, 7:8-9). The problem is that he hasn’t won the obligatory popularity contest with the opposite sex. He remains single and frustrated. He gets angry at God because he assumes his Creator has given him an appetite that he can neither check nor lawfully sate. Robbed of any confidence he might have in controlling himself, he reasons, “I can’t help my feelings therefore I am going to do something illicit.”
Then there is another young man who looks at the onerous burden of marriage, all of the obligatory social expectations, the fallout from failed unions, etc. and shies away from matrimony. But here come the religious leaders to point their fingers at this young man and shame him for his choices. So, he gets bitter and drops out of church, or he ill-advisedly enters into marriage out of obligation to a social custom (not because he has any substantive feelings for his wife). The seeds of an unhappy marriage are thus sown. In short, the idea that most people have no choice but to marry needs to have a spear driven through it Phineas-style.
God created marriage as a gift, not as a requirement. It’s true that human beings were made with reproductive organs, but God gave us mastery over our desires. Thus, it can be said that marriage was made for man but not man for marriage. Evangelicals, like the Pharisees who became legalistic about the Sabbath, have gone overboard with their pro-marriage agenda, falling into a pit of absurdity. The kingdom of God is a spiritual kingdom, not a physical one. We are not under the Old Covenant of Israel anymore, therefore God’s kingdom is not preserved by family lineage (Matthew 3:9; Luke 8:20-21; Luke 12:51-53). That is, the kingdom increases by sharing the Gospel (Matthew 27:19; Romans 1:16-17; James 1:18), not by making babies and filling padded pews with third-generation parishioners. And what if no one gets married and has children? Gasp! Well, do you think the “game of love” is going to go on forever (Psalm 102:25-26; 2 Peter 3:10-13; Mark 12:25)?
Why Men Aren’t Stepping Up (Like Sheep to the Slaughter)
Why do people keeping ignoring the 300-pound gorillas in the room? Are the pundits clued in to the real reasons why religious men are refusing to marry? For any Christian ladies reading this, let me offer some possible reasons …
It takes money to raise a family, Sherlock. We are not in Kansas anymore, and we don’t grow our own food. Many Christian women expect to stay home, have a brood of children, and yet live quite comfortably. Where do they get the idea that God will necessarily bless us with creature comforts? Don’t parrot the line, “God will provide.” I don’t need the sham promise of a materialistic, prosperity theology. Shall we suppose that godliness is an automatic “means of gain” (1 Timothy 6:3-11)? What on earth are some Christian women thinking? That every Christian man has a shot at a cushy, middle management job in some Silicon Valley outfit?
Let me direct your gaze to the social pyramid that stands before you, ladies. Where is the middle class? Yeah, it’s shrinking isn’t it? Carolyn McCulley points to some guy as the model of what male “servant-leadership looks like in a godly home.” No he isn’t a model. The guy in question has a comfortable position in the upper echelons of our corrupt, bloated government. Forgive me for being blunt, but Carolyn and all her middle-class, yuppie cohorts on the Evangelical writer circuit need to come down to earth where many of us live with low-paying jobs, increased costs of living, and other stressors in our daily lives.
What do the religious pundits expect rank and file men to do? Barely live from paycheck to paycheck just so we have the luxury–yes I said luxury (Luke 12:15; Luke 14:26; 1 Corinthians 7:29-31)–of having a housewife and three kids? Is that the message they preach from the lecterns of their comfortable, posh megachurches? Yep, go ahead and bind heavy burdens on religious men, but refuse to lift a finger to help them. Where have we seen this before (Matthew 23:4)?
Arrogance about Sex Roles
We hear about how men need to take the lead in relationships, need to fill the roll of “the provider,” etc. We read that women should pick men who are “physically, mentally, and spiritually” stronger than they are (Jaye Martin, “The Marks of a Godly Husband,” The Tie, Winter 2005, pg. 17). Hmm. Let’s consider those attributes, shall we? I wonder what happens when a man gets a disability and his wife has to care for him. Does he cease being a man since he is no longer physically strong? What about mental strength? I guess a college-educated woman has to pass up a man with a high school education, even though he’s wonderful in every other way. And spiritual strength? We are all called to be mature in Christ, but don’t tell Jaye Martin that.
Seriously, are we using the same Bible? Where is all of this stuff about “Biblical Manhood” spelled out in the New Testament, the spiritual law under which Christians live (Hebrews 8:1-13)? Let’s see … do you want to sling 1 Timothy 5:8 at me, for instance? That passage is not talking about male breadwinners. The original language, grammar, and context point to those of either sex needing to take care of family members in need. That so many self-appointed experts on “Biblical manhood” rip this and other passages out of context is utterly astounding.
Anyway, if Christian women are so adamant about following traditional roles, why don’t they stay at home with their parents, learn how to cook, clean, etc., instead of going to work and competing with men for scare jobs in a tight job market? I think I know the answer. So many “conservative” women have jumped aboard the neo-traditionalist bandwagon. Do you think I exaggerate? Willard Harley, a popular author among many Evangelicals describes the type of man that women supposedly find “irresistible”:
“He assumes the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. If his income is insufficient to provide essential support, he resolves the problem by upgrading his skills to increase his salary. He does not work long hours, keeping himself from his wife and family, but is able to provide necessary support by working a forty to forty-five-hour week. While he encourages his wife to pursue a career, he does not depend on her salary for family living expenses.”
Ah yes. What’s yours is yours. What’s mine is yours. Here’s the kicker: I know that many of you ladies don’t want to really go back to the time of your grandmothers and have your opportunities limited. You don’t want to make the kind of sacrifices in your personal lives that many women in the past had to make. Yet you want us men to live by the old codes of chivalry. You want to make us lie down in the mire, while you step on our backs to get inside the carriage that summarily rides away from us. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. Bottom line: Your neo-traditionalism is a sick joke, a pathetic double-standard.
Moreover, your views on “Biblical manhood” and romantic relationships are just as unrealistic and demeaning as all the airbrushed, photoshopped images put out by Playboy. In your marriages, you expect some sort of Superman who will make all of the hard decisions for you, read your mind, and somehow arrive at the choices you would pick. He will be emotionally strong, never have any fears, doubts, uncertainties, vulnerabilities, weakness, or (gasp) needs. The husband you want is not human. Indeed, I wonder why so many marriages in the Evangelical community end in divorce. You ladies need to get your head out of your Christian romance novels and deal with life.
Who is the Real Shallow One?
Speaking of romance novels–ladies, do you believe us men are the shallower sex? Yes, we are the ones that supposedly don’t accept you because you are morbidly obese. Cry me a river. You want to excoriate us for our physical preferences in women, even thought it’s pretty much proven that men are visually attracted to the opposite sex. Well God made us this way. A lot of young women used to die in childbirth before modern medicine. Did you think God thought it expedient for us to seek out women who don’t physically take care of themselves? Well, at least the answer to this question never got in the way of you seeking out someone taller or “physically stronger” (How many times have I read that your dream man “must be athletic”?). These attributes, while acceptable, have nothing to do with the character of a man. So, why aren’t you accused of being shallow and “hung up on looks”?
And what about judging us by the amount of money we make? I haven’t heard a sermon on how women need to stop objectifying men in this way, lately. Have you? Again, you compete with us for our jobs, but you refuse to marry us when we make less money than you (because your concept of “Biblical manhood” rests on the size of our paycheck, of all things). Then you wonder where all the men are at the end of day. Surprise, surprise. You priced yourselves out of the market, sweeties.
Sex – Yes I Said The Word!
Not too long ago, Stephen Arterburn and two other men wrote a book entitled Every Man’s Battle : Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time. In essence, the book portrays men as wanton beasts and women as passive victims of male lechery (although one Amazon.com review entitled, “A Mixed Bag” has some shocking things to say about the “fairer sex”). This is not the first time men have been harangued for there sexual behavior. Everywhere, Christian men are confronted by the same unflattering stereotypes: Male sexuality is so suspicious. It is so dangerous. People need to rein all our sons and brothers in with stern, Biblical teaching. Really?
Who demeans sex? Is it the male philander? The man who gawks at physically attractive women? What about the wife who uses it for her own ambitions!? Yes, I typed that. It is sad to know that there are religious women who are so conniving in this regard. Ladies, let me inform you of something: Sex isn’t just about having children. Is marriage just the means of getting a trophy husband and trophy children so you could be among the Martha Stewart glitterati at church? Some of you probably want children for the same reason girls go overboard and collect dolls. Human beings in this case just become pawns to boost your ego. Alas, the desire to be a mother isn’t always noble (especially when men get treated as nothing more than glorified sperm donors).
Also, some of you see sex as something to be rationed out for a husband’s good behavior. If he mows the lawn on Thursday, you’ll passively allow yourself to be used on Friday. Utterly sad. Sex is what two married people who love each other do for the sheer intrinsic worth of it (Proverbs 5:18-19; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5). In the Good Book, it says the two shall become one flesh (Matthew 19:4-5). It’s that simple. That means if he wants you to dress up in exotic sleepwear and play Sex Queen from the Planet Venus, then you better drop the hang-ups from your childhood (which are probably the result of listening to too many sermons from old, cornpone preachers). And if you can’t do that, make an appointment with a counselor. It’s your turn to start being “understanding” of “your partner’s needs.”
Oh by way, single men can live without sex. It is ridiculous that so many religious pundits are utterly schizophrenic about male sexuality. Look, either we have the power of self-control or we don’t. Which way is it?? If we don’t have the power of self-control, no one can blame us for being like a bunch of sex-crazed farm animals that seek out porn, prostitution, and whatever else to sate our immediate desires. If, on the other hand, we do have the power of self-control (which I believe we do), then don’t try to frighten us into marriage by saying most people aren’t gifted to handle singleness. And stop your evil surmising about single men.
Even at a young age, some of us are seasoned enough to see through the sham pearls of physical beauty and charm. Ladies, when you smile and fluff your hair, we can just give ourselves peace of mind by looking the other way. We know what physically attracts us, but we are not obligated to pursue it.
If all else were equal, then sexual desire would be a compelling enough motivation to seek out female companionship. But else isn’t equal. There are so many other variables that have bearing upon a man’s physical, mental, and spiritual well-being when considering the company of women.
We are Not Your Whipping Boys
Some of you are really like the feminists deep down side. For you, it’s women good, men bad. If something goes wrong in your lives, well, it must be because of something men did or failed to do. Too many churches and ministries have sold out to the spirit of male-bashing. For instance, we have Promise Keepers to keep men on the straight and narrow, but where are the football stadiums full of women promising to be better wives and mothers? Are you women so infallible? Are you so untainted from the ungodliness in this culture?
Men have beaten down too much. We are told that we are insensitive; then we are told we are being too wimpy. We are too told that we need to be industrious and ambitious; then we are old that we work too much and don’t pay enough attention to our families. We were shamed for our desires for women; and now we are shamed for not desiring women. We are getting sick and tired of the blame game.
Why do religious pundits push this nonsense? Is it because of the fact that mostly women fill the pews and someone doesn’t want to offend the core audience? I hazard to guess which sex consults most of the books and media put out by the “relationship experts.” Who wants to bite the hand that feeds them? Really, this all looks like a replay of what the Apostle Paul complained about in 2 Timothy 3:6-7.
Women Behaving Badly
Men are beginning to understand that having relationships with women is a high-risk activity of uncertain benefit. Which sex initiates the most no-fault divorces? Which sex often gets bankrupted by court-ordered alimony and child support settlements of astronomical proportions? Which sex gets custody of the children most of the time? Which sex is often the target of false charges of spousal abuse (even though many studies prove that both sexes initiate spousal abuse at comparable rates)? Who often gets removed from their property and thrown in jail merely because of an unproven allegation by the other spouse? Which sex is often forced to pay child support for offspring who are not even related to the one paying that support? Simply put, the family laws on the books are decidedly stacked against men.
Courting among a religious group is no protection for a man, either. Christian women can break up families just like their secular counterparts. Divorce statistics among Evangelicals are scandalous. Too many churches have a lax attitude towards the practice of divorce and serial monogamy. So, where are the cries of reform from the marriage mafia?
But that’s not all. So many of you ladies used to chase the “bad boys” and the guys who were exciting and attractive by the world’s standards (or even by the church’s standards) but who weren’t really spiritual. In your youth, you snubbed many of us who dreamed of being married to a godly woman. Now the chickens have come home to roost. Your biological clocks are ticking. All of a sudden, Christian men that were formerly invisible to you somehow have the responsibility to line up and submit a job application to you for the position of Hubby. Give. Me. A. Break.
It’s All About You, Snookums
In short, too many conservative women have only cared about restricting sex, shaming bachelors into marriage, shaming men into old restrictive sex roles, and pretty much preserving the sex cartel and system of male wage slavery. Being a responsible husband to one of these women would be nice if they (a) stopped playing the hypocrite with regard to honoring traditional sex roles (e.g., they compete with us for our jobs, but they still expect us to make more than them); (b) realized that Corporate America no longer pays hubby well for the financing of their Cinderella dreams; (c) stopped treating us like walking ATMs; (d) realized that sex isn’t just for having children; (e) realized sex is something to be enjoyed, not something to be rationed out only when men perform certain tasks; (f) repented of putting down men; (g) repented of their crypto-feminism; and (h) appreciated what Men’s Rights Activists fight for. The ugly truth no one wants to face is this: Religious and politically conservative women in English-speaking countries have, in many cases, imbibed the sentiments of female entitlement, professional victimhood, and anti-male sexism found in the larger culture. So, it’s not enough to be just anti-feminist. You must be for men. You are either with us or against us, ladies. If you are not fully with us, stay out of lives, so that we can stay free from the leaven of your self-centeredness and malice.
Now what will be the reaction to what I said just far? Forget about the threats and shaming tactics, ladies. Too many women dismiss men’s problems with the attitude that we should “stop being so bitter,” “stop whining,” “get over it,” “show initiative,” “keep trying,” and “suck it up.” Women who voice these sentiments tell us all we need to know about them. As long as everything is going well in their little world, they don’t care about what’s going on in ours. If these women are not willing to listen to our concerns before we marry them, they are probably not willing to do so afterwards. They have nothing to offer us in the way of emotional support.
Ladies, stop and consider: Wanting you is not the same as needing you. That many of you wrap so much of your expectations into the institution of marriage is pathetic. You treat it as some sort of spiritual nirvana that will provide the answers to just about all of life’s problems. But for many of us men, God has carried us thus far through loneliness, social ostracization, and unrequited desire. He is able of carrying us much further (Philippians 4:11-13; 1 Timothy 6:6). He gives us a genuine choice about pursuing marriage (1 Corinthians 7:37-38). We can find our happiness and self-worth without you.
As for the religious pundits that speak soothing things into the ears of women, I call all religious men to stand up and recognize these spin doctors for the spiritual Philistines that they are. I hope that us men will turn against the ungodly ministries of these people and check their influence. Our worth as men is God-given, not derived from fulfilling some religious chick’s dreams.
Last time I addressed the issues surrounding married women working. It has been my observation after studying Australian Employment Statistics that with the onset of the dual income family that the employment participation rate of all other categories of population declined over time including single females, men in general and the youth. Young people were especially hard hit. Their unemployment rates were equivalent to the general population during the sixties and seventies. About halfway through the eighties there was a huge jump in the rate of unemployment for young people which has never declined to any significant level. It went from around 5-7 percent to around twenty five percent.
Now while this might not be a scholarly study I believe that the impact of women taking over the work force has been to take away the jobs of their own children or the children of others and also to take away the jobs of family men who were providing for their own jobs. I recall reading the story of a woman who decided to go for a job promotion against a man. Her colleagues wanted the man to get it because he had family and could do with the extra income to support them. They took a very dim view of her refusal to acquiesce to their wishes given that she had no family.
The inability of the young to get work has essentially removed them from the marriage market place at a time when they should be able to get married.
Davis Aurini takes this issue further in a recently published a piece on the impact women working in paid employment on the marriage market place.
So what happens when men and women are pushed into the same employment opportunities? The obvious: women’s sense of entitlement is inflated. Instead of an average woman looking to meet an average guy, her income makes her think that she deserves an above average guy – and I know you ladies aren’t so good at math, but I trust you can figure out the problem with this.
Meanwhile, earning an income does nothing to improve a woman’s Marriage Market Value. Us men value your intelligence, beauty, and compassion – not your bank account. You ladies value strength, leadership, and accomplishment – which does translate into bank account.
Earning the same income as your male peers ruins them as dating prospects; it raises the baseline of your expectations. And you ladies never noticed this because unsuccessful, undateable men are invisible to you – you really only notice the top ten percent.
I recommend the following as an exercise: look around your office, and at the men surrounding you. Instead of asking “Whom would I consider dating here?” you should instead ask “Whom here is a decent, dateable guy?” I predict that a large number of men will suddenly become visible to you – and yet you still wouldn’t consider dating them yourself.
Don’t think men haven’t noticed this; the crisis Rand Paul was talking about is a direct consequence of these shifts.
In a healthy society, hard-work and playing-by-the-rules are rewarded; in our present society they aren’t. For your average guy, working at your average job, the situation’s twice as stressful, and the reward is all but evaporated. Their egos are shot, the women ignore them, and their only outlets are video games and porn.
And you wonder why guys are dropping out.
Women haven’t replaced men – they’ve supplanted them. “Replace” would suggest that they’re now performing the same jobs, at the same capacity, that men used to perform, but they simply aren’t. From the very start, massive incentives and accommodations needed to be put into place, and even with all of that, women still predominate in A) Paid-forms of homemaking (Daycare, Social Services) and B) easy, air-conditioned office jobs. All of the hard-work that drives civilization – rough-necks, home construction, engineering – is still being performed by men.
As the only good Feminist Camille Paglia said, “If civilization had been left in female hands, we would still be living in grass huts.” I would add to that – if we continue to hand our civilization over to women, we will soon be living in grass huts once more.
OK Adventist young man, you’ve had it up to here with feminism in the local church. The most obvious answer to you is to bail out on the church altogether and you will get away from feminism. Sorry to disappoint you but feminism is every where. I’m going to mirror a post from http://www.antifeministtech.info/every-religion-and-atheism-is-getting-feminized/ which claims you can’t even go atheist or pagan without running into the clutches of feminism. For your easy reading I’ll mirror that post here.
Every religion and religious point of view out there is under attack from feminism and is in the process of being feminized. There are millions of examples of this happening in the Christian Church. Feminism has infected Judaism. Feminism is even in the process of infecting Islam. It isn’t just the religious that are under assault from feminism. The atheist community has the same problem as shown by elevatorgate. Every religious point of view including that of no religion is under attack from feminism and in various stages of being feminized. (The only exceptions might be obscure religions and sects of larger religions simply because they aren’t on the radar screen yet. They aren’t immune, but not worth the effort for feminism to invade right now.)
Because of this, it was no surprise to find out that the Wiccan/Pagan community has the same problem with feminist infection and being feminized:
For many years I was deeply involved with the Wiccan community, and was constantly faced with this particular notion over and over again. It has become so pervasive in the Pagan religious community that it is entirely invisible, and insidious. If you accept the notion that many of the world’s ills are due to “An imbalance favouring masculine spiritual energies” and that “the world is naturally re-balancing itself by giving voice and power to Feminine Energies,” any pain you feel as a Man is accepted as a natural and inevitable part of a natural cycle.
This idea wasn’t part of the religion I’d joined and been initiated into, but it became all-pervasive in it over the course of a couple of decades. Paganism stopped being about the acceptance of the inner and primal, and started to be about “Goddess spirituality.” This idea has rendered the whole pagan community unrecognizable from what it was in the 80s, in terms of practice, attitude, beliefs, and makeup.
By the time we got to the end of the 90s, books on “Wicca for Men” or “Paganism for Men” were entirely built around the notion that Men in our current age had a duty to serve the women around them, and really were about the best way to position yourself as a servant of The Goddess and her priestesses, while building contempt for Men who were still “holding back the change to a new era.”
My direct experience was usually one of exclusion. I wasn’t welcome in most covens and circles in my area because I was a man – or I was only welcome if I remained outside the ritual circle, or in a specifically subservient role, like guard of the ritual space entrance, in it.
Ultimately, I had to withdraw from Paganism for a long time, because it had become so unwelcoming, and so un-empathetic to the male participants.
Change a few words and this story could have been told by a Christian man, or a Jewish man, or a Muslim man, or a Hindu man, or even an atheist man. If there was any type of agnostic community, agnostic men would also be able to tell you the same story. Feminism destroys everything it touches so it’s no real surprise that every religion plus atheism has the same problem with being feminized.
This is very important because it tells us some vital facts:
- First, opposition to feminism and the MRM should not be an explicitly “Christian” movement like some people think. The problem is too pervasive for that, and it makes the false assumption that Christianity is somehow immune to being feminized (which is obviously not the case).
- Second, Islam will not save us. Islam is just a few decades behind the Christian Church in being feminized. By 2030 or so, Islam will sound exactly like Christian socons do now except with Arabic proper names.
- Third, feminism is not out to specifically destroy Christianity or religion in general. Feminism is wrecking all religions as much as Christianity. It is also wrecking atheism in the same way so it isn’t working for the benefit of atheism either.
- The Jews are definitely NOT responsible for feminism. If they were, feminism wouldn’t be in the process of destroying Judaism like it is. Clearly, feminism is not the service of the Jews.
- There is no religion or religious point of view that can provide a refuge from feminism, and this includes atheism. Any obscure religion or obscure sect of a religion will become a target if large numbers of men join it.
- Any anti-feminist movement needs to be inclusive of all religious points of view because every religious point of view is or will be under attack from feminism.
- If you’re a man searching for a spiritual path, there’s nothing good out there for you right now. Every religion, every spiritual path, and the atheist community is suffering from various levels of feminist control.
If you’re wondering what the religious landscape of the future will look like, what will probably happen is either religions that are currently obscure will become dominant or new religions will be created. (Atheism won’t be dominant since it is suffering from feminism just like religions are.) If you want something different to happen and want to save your religion or your atheism, then you must fight feminism. It is the only way.